He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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