What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
