booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
