we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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