So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
