Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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