It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize