Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize