my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
