you would pick up someone in the library
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
