So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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