my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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