Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
