she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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