I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
