and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
nutella sex= disaster
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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