Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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