I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
