We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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