I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
