We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
