She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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