Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
be right there i have to get my cape
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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