I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
pray to the hookup gods
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
