When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
