their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
