After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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