Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
