Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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