so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
