Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
