our cab driver is having phone sex.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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