just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
