Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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