If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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