I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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