I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We need to get me chipped asap
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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