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On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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