Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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