Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
do nipples grow back?
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