how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
