His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
