I saw his package. It spoke to me.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
