just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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