i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
