I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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