Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
