Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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