he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
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