I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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