I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
