I am puke
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
