The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
