I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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