Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
