do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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