i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
