How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
