note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
