how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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