It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
