So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
