i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Enjoy the penises
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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