What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
