OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
