epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
