She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
