i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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