my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
