You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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