So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
