Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
