They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
