The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
