Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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